Raindrops Turning Into Tears
by ExLibris3
Summary: Gibbs is not sure about his feelings for Jen, but will he realize his true feelings in time, or will he be too late?
1. You Deserve To Know

'_Damn it, DiNozzo! Where the hell are you?' _Gibbs thought as he was taking the elevator on the way to his desk. He had been out buying coffee and he had tried DiNozzo's cell several times already. The doors opened and he almost ran right into Jenny Shepard, who had apparently been waiting for the elevator.

"Jeez, Jethro, where's the fire?" she joked, though her voice missed the spark it had when she usually joked. Gibbs looked at her.

"You ok, Jen?" he asked, sounding a bit worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a doctor's appointment. I can't be late, so see you, Jethro" she said, still sounding sadder than usual. She went into the elevator and Gibbs walked to his desk, still thinking about Jen's weird behaviour.

"Ziva, where the hell is DiNozzo?" he barked as he passed her desk. Ziva put down the phone.

"I don't know. I have been trying to call him all morning" she answered, noticing Gibbs was in an unusual bad mood. He gave her a stare.

"But I will continued to call until I find him" she added and picked up the phone again and dialled a number.

"McGee! Any luck finding him?" he asked a when he didn't get an answer he looked over at McGee's desk, McGee's empty desk. Gibbs cursed.

"Where the hell is everyone?" he asked Ziva angrily.

"I think he went to the men's room" she explained, praying someone would come back soon, not really wanting to be alone with a pissed of Gibbs, though she wasn't sure exactly what it was that had gotten him so pissed.

Gibbs sighed as he sat down at his desk.

"Have you seen the Director today?" Ziva suddenly asked "I thought she looked a bit…sad or something"

"Yes, I just saw her" was all he said, thinking back at the lost expression her face had worn and the strange tone in her voice.

When he didn't say anything else, Ziva gave up on trying having a conversation with him.

Some minutes later Gibbs looked up at the sound of the elevator doors opening. He saw DiNozzo coming towards his desk, singing to himself.

"Hello!" Tony said cheerfully as he took off his jacket and sat down in his chair.

"DiNozzo, where the hell have you been?" Gibbs said furiously, Tony looked up with fright in his eyes.

"Ehm…" Tony started, but Gibbs was already standing in front of Tony's desk, waiting for an explanation. Tony swallowed hard. He was in real trouble now.

Later that day, on the evening, Jen had come back from the hospital. She sat in her office, alone, scared. She didn't know how to handle this; she had been through a lot, but nothing like this. What made this even harder was the fact that she was in love, in love with a certain Jethro Gibbs. That was why she was gonna have to tell him what was happening to her, she had no choice, he deserved to know. She was gonna have to leave soon, but she was hoping he'd be there for her, 'cause she'd need him by her side. She had no one else, her parents were dead, and her sister lived in San Francisco and didn't want to see her again. No, he was the only one she could trust, the only one she had ever loved so deeply, the only one she knew she could count on.

There was a knock on the door, and before she could say 'Enter', the door had opened and Gibbs stepped in.

"Hey Jen" he greeted. He couldn't be down in the squad room any longer; he was restless and had nothing to do. Jen looked just like she had done earlier, and that concerned him. But she appeared to have no important work to do, so she probably had time for a little talk, between friends.

"Jethro, come in" she said "What can I do for you this evening?"

"Just thought you might wanna talk" he said and gestured for her to come sit in the couch with him. She rose from her chair and joined him on the black leather couch.

"I couldn't help but noticing you acting a bit weird today" he said after a few minutes of silence. He studied her with his eyes, but she looked away from him.

"What's wrong?" he pushed, wanting an answer "What were you doing at the hospital today? I've noticed you've gone there a lot"

"Jethro, I know you're curious, and I'm gonna tell you. Just, I want you to know how incredibly hard this is for me. I actually have two things to tell you, I'm not expecting anything from you on one of the points, but on the other point I need you to help me"

"What is it, Jen?" he asked, now he was really worried.

"Ever since I became Director…" she hesitated for a second, swallowed, and then she continued and said "Ever since that, I've known I'm still in love with you"

"Jen…" he sighed, this was not what he had expected, he didn't have an answer to that, he wasn't sure about his own feelings.

"I'm not asking you to answer, I just wanted to let you know" she said.

They were sitting next to each other on the couch. Gibbs didn't know what to do, how to react, but before he could think of anything to say, Jen had started talking again.

"I'm sure a new Director will take my place soon" she said in a low voice. This made Gibbs look up at her; he saw a tear run down her cheek. She looked back at him, meeting his gaze. He wiped away her tear.

"What are you talking about?" he asked in a soft voice

Jen didn't answer; instead she put her hand on top of his. Gibbs started to slowly understand what was wrong, terribly wrong.

"Are…are you sick?" he asked her in a shaking voice. Jen once again met his eyes. She prepared herself to tell him the shocking news, took a deep breath and then she opened her mouth to say it.

"Yes, Jethro, I am sick. I have cancer"

_Omg…What will happen to Jen, will she survive this terrible disease? Will Gibbs realize he has feelings for her, or not? Please leave me a review!!_


	2. Always By Your Side

Gibbs mind was spinning, but somehow he managed to stay calm and take Jen's hand in both of his. He just couldn't think of anything to say, all he could do was to look at her. She looked so fragile, so small and so scared.

"What?" he said. He didn't want this to be true, he hoped it wasn't, but the look on her face told him it was real, very real.

"I have cancer. Breast cancer" she explained "Jethro, I need you by my side, I don't want to have to go through this alone"

"But you will be ok, right Jenny? You are going to make it, aren't you?" Gibbs said with slight panic in his voice. He was terrified of the thought of losing her, maybe he wasn't in love with her, but he had been, and he still cared a hell of a lot about her.

"Honestly, I don't know" Jen admitted, which was extremely hard to say "It's bad, they might have discovered it too late, I don't know if I'll survive"

Gibbs pulled her towards him into a tight hug, and she cried quietly against his shoulder. He kissed her hair, and rubbed his hands up and down her back.

"Have you told anybody else?" he asked

"No, but I'm gonna have to. I won't be able to work for much longer, I'm gonna have to take the treatment. A new Director will probably take over pretty soon" she answered, lifting her head.

"I'm sorry"

"Never apologise, it's a sign of weakness" Jen said, and she managed to smile at him, but Gibbs just studied her with his eyes.

"Not between friends, Jen"

Jen sighed and pulled herself away from his embrace. They stayed silent for a couple of minutes, and then Gibbs said in a low voice "Are you scared?"

"I have a deadly decease, what do you think?" she answered. "Of course I'm scared, scared as hell. Will you stay by my side, Jethro?"

"Yes, Jenny. I will take care of you, you have my word on that" he promised her. He rose from the couch.

"I have to go now. But if something would happen, or if you just wanna talk, don't hesitate to call, day or night" he told her and she nodded. He walked towards the door, but stopped and turned when she called his name.

"Jethro, I thought I'd tell your team about this tomorrow…" she started, but before she could continue he finished the sentence for her.

"I'll be there to support you" he assured her and smiled at her before he said "Good night Jen"

"Good night Jethro" she said before he closed the door and left her alone in her office. She sighed and leaned back towards the couch. She closed her eyes.

Why her? How could this possibly happen? The only positive thing she could think of was that she had Gibbs by her side, and that she would spend the last time of her life in his company, not like a couple, since he obviously didn't feel like she did, but he would be there as her friend. She knew he would never leave her.

Gibbs had made his way home, he sat in his basement, though he wasn't working on his boat, he was thinking. He was thinking about Jen, and the fact that she was sick. He had promised to be there for her, and that he would be. He would watch over her, make sure she felt safe. He would never leave her side, because he had given her his word on that, and he would never betray that trust.

He knew now she was in love with him, but he doubted his own feelings. He loved her as a friend and a co-worker, but he wasn't sure he loved her the way he had in Paris, not sure he was in love with her. He was certain those feelings were gone, and would be gone forever. He suddenly came to think about that time, when she had just become Director, when he'd told her he'd missed her. But in what way had he missed her? As a lover or as a friend? At that moment, probably as a lover. But the more time he spent around her, the more he realized how much she had changed, and the feelings soon died. But he never stopped loving her as a friend. And now when she was sick, he'd be there for her. But he wasn't in love with her anymore.

Next morning, Jen had gotten in pretty early, trying to prepare herself for telling the rest of Gibbs' team her terrible news. She wasn't as nervous now like she had been the day before when she had told Gibbs, this time he would be there to support her. She checked her watch, everyone should be in by now, and she decided it was time. She took a deep breath and left her office. First she went over to the railing and looked down over the squad room, they were all there. She caught Gibbs' eyes, and he understood that now was the time. Jen walked down the stairs slowly, and met Gibbs at the end of the stairs.

"Should I call up Abby and Ducky?" he asked, Jen nodded. Ducky was an old friend, he should hear this too.

Gibbs put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him.

"Are you sure about this" he asked with concern.

"Yes, I know your team better than any other team in this building, they are friends, they deserve to know" she replied and Gibbs nodded. He picked up his cell and called first Ducky and then Abby, telling them that they had to come up to the squad room right away.

"I here with you, Jen" he whispered as they walked closer to where the others were standing.

"I know" was her answer. They waited a little while for Abby and Ducky to come up. Jen was sitting in Gibbs' chair while waiting.

At last when they arrived, Gibbs told everyone to gather around his desk, him standing behind Jen, his hand on her shoulder.

"So, what's this about?" Tony asked "Don't tell me you two are getting married!"

"No, Tony, we're not. Are you done with your stupid comments?" Gibbs said, annoyed.

"I am more than done" Tony replied.

"Is something wrong?" Ziva asked, worried.

"Yes, Ziva, something's very wrong" Gibbs answered and hugged Jen's shoulder.

"What is it?" Abby asked, looking from Gibbs to Jen. "Director?"

"I probably won't be Director for much longer, so why don't you just call me Jenny?" she noticed how everyone's expression changed as she said that, they all looked very worried.

"Do you care to tell us why?" Ducky asked as he looked concerned for his old friend.

"I…I'm sick" was all she said. She couldn't bring herself to say the word 'cancer', not until she saw the confused looks on their faces, she knew she had to say it, but Gibbs beat her to it.

"She has cancer, breast cancer" he told them. Abby immediately rushed forward and threw her arms around Jen's neck.

"Oh my God" she said as she held Jen tightly.

"Are you going to be ok, Jenny?" Ducky asked. He was shocked, Jen was a good, nice person, he couldn't believe this was happening to her.

"I'm not so sure about that" she said sadly, and everyone gathered around her to hug her or pat her back. Gibbs moved away and let the team tell Jen what she probably needed to hear right now. Suddenly Ducky came up next to him.

"When did you find out?" he asked his friend as they both looked at the other from the window where they were standing.

"She told me last night" Gibbs answered as he saw Jen laugh at something Tony had just said.

"She'll make it, Jethro. Jenny is strong, and she is very stubborn, just like you. But it depends on how much it has already spread, the sooner they discover it, the better" Ducky said, trying to give Gibbs at least some comfort.

"Duck, she told me her doctors said it was bad, that they might have discovered it too late" Gibbs said, sounding both tired and sad.

"Good lord, if that's to be the case, we might need a miracle to get our Jenny back healthy" with those words Ducky walked back to the others to say good bye to Jen before he returned to autopsy.

Gibbs continued to study Jen from where he was standing, until she excused herself and walked over to him, away from the others.

"Thanks, for helping me out" she thanked him. "You look sad" she observed, and the smile she had worn disappeared.

"I'm just worried about you, that's all"

"You're not in love with me, are you Jethro?" she didn't look sad, not even surprised, just kind of blank, like if she was trying to hide how she really felt about this, but not completely succeeding.

"I don't know. No, I guess. But I love you as a friend" he admitted to her, and she made a small smile.

"Thank you"

Jen left NCIS a week later; she was getting her first treatment against the cancer. The first day without Jen was also a day without Gibbs. And the following days he could disappear for a few hours here and there, but everyone knew where to find him. He was at the hospital with Jen. Either because she had called him, or just because he wanted to check up on her. The new Director understood, and he let Gibbs do what he wanted, as long as he got his job done.

This continued for a few months, after a while he'd disappear more often, simply because he was worrying himself sick over her. Gibbs spent every night at the hospital, sitting by her side. He spent every weekend in her room, talking with her, or just watching her sleep. The others visited often too.

Jen appeared to be doing better; maybe she would survive this, against all odds.

_Btw, this takes place in season 4, just so you know. Thank you for reading and I will post the next chapter asap, it will probably be a story of three chapters. Please leave me a review!!_


	3. Never Stop Loving You

Gibbs was sitting in his basement. It had now been two months since the evening when Jen had told him she had cancer. He had visited her at the hospital every day, he'd slept there every night, and he'd done anything to make sure she was satisfied. Every day he'd prayed she would be ok, that she would beat her cancer, every day he'd told her she was gonna be all right. But when he had talked to her doctors, he knew he was believing in something that would never happen, never be real. Jen was slowly slipping away from him, but that was something he just couldn't accept.

They had talked about a lot of things, both the past and the present. The past meant the most to Jen, the time when they had been a couple. Gibbs was usually quiet and listened to her when she'd talk about Paris, her memory of that time was better than his. And sometimes he'd even be surprised at something she said, something he still couldn't remember after the coma he'd been in. She'd smile at him when he told her he didn't remember.

This past week he condition had worsened, she was very weak and couldn't talk so much. He remembered a day like that; it had probably been the day before yesterday. That has been the moment he realized how he really felt for her.

_It was in the afternoon when Gibbs entered the hospital. Jen's doctors knew perfectly well who he was by now and he just walked right into the room he knew was hers. _

"_Hi Jen" he said in a soft voice as he took of his coat and sat down on a chair next to her bed, the same chair he always sat in when he was there._

"_Jethro" she greeted him, and smiled weakly at him. "I'm glad you're here"_

"_Me too" he replied as he took her hand in his, slowly stroking it with his fingertips. _

"_How are you today?" it was a question he asked her every day, and he was always afraid about what her answer might be._

"_Not so good" she admitted. Gibbs felt a shiver up his spine, he didn't like it when she said that, it was exactly what she had told him yesterday. He didn't reply, just sat there, stroking her hand, with slow, loving movements. She didn't speak either, not until five minutes had passed._

"_Talk to me, Jethro, because I don't have the strength to speak today" she begged._

"_What do you want me to talk about, Jen?" he asked, he had trouble finding a subject she was interested in listening to. At first he had told her about stuff that was going on at NCIS, but she made it clear she wasn't interested in the cases he worked._

"_I don't care. Anything, just not work" she said, and he smiled slightly, considering what he just had thought._

"_I've finished my boat" he told her while trying to figure out something better to say._

"_How did you find time for that? You've been with me so much…" she said, her voice barely more than a whisper._

"_Honestly I don't know" he said with a little laugh "I named her 'Kelly'" he added, sounding more serious. Jen looked at him, and gave him a little nod._

"_Do you remember when you became Director? When I told you I'd missed you? I just want you to know I meant it. From time to time during these years we've been apart I have been thinking a lot about you, and not as a friend. But when you came back into my life, at first I was glad to see you again, but then I noticed you'd changed. You weren't the Jen I used to know" he didn't know what had made him say that, but the look in her eyes made him continue, that sad look, the look she'd give him when she knew he was wrong._

"_But now I've realized that when I came to that conclusion, I had looked at you as Director, and the reason I thought you had changed was because you had to be that way in order to run the agency, because you can't run an entire agency if you behave like a field agent" now she was looking at him in a way that told him he was getting closer to the truth._

"_But now when I've spent so much time with you, I've realized you are the same Jen you were in Paris, the same personality. What I'm trying to say is that I know now that you're still the same Jen I fell in love with" and with those words of truth, he leaned closer to her, until his lips met hers in their first kiss in seven years._

_Not so long after that confession, Jen fell asleep. Gibbs was sitting by her side, looking at her as she slept peacefully. This felt so right, the two of them together. The only problem being that she was dying. What had taken him so long to realize he was in love with her? When he thought about it, these feelings had been inside him all the time. What had he been afraid of? He had probably feared that she really had changed, that she no longer was who she had been. But he had known all along that she was still the same old Jen, the same Jen he had shared bed with, the same Jen he had been deeply in love with. And still was, because he had never stopped loving her._

Gibbs cell suddenly started to ring, forcing him to let go of the memory. He checked the caller id, it was from the hospital.

"Yeah, Gibbs?" he answered, listened to the nurse who was speaking before he hung up. He closed his eyes. The nurse had told him Jen was in critical condition, so he needed to get there fast. He jumped up from where he was sitting and practically ran up the stairs, in hurry to get to the hospital before it would be too late.

Outside it was raining; he drove the fastest he could to the hospital, where he met the nurse who had called in the hallway outside Jen's room. Wet from the pouring rain he forced himself to stop and talk to her.

"How is she?" he said breathlessly, his heart was beating fast. The nurse took a breath before she spoke.

"Bad, she might just have a couple of hours left…"

Gibbs didn't listen anymore; he just rushed into Jen's room. A nurse stood against the wall, watching over Jen.

"Jen, I'm here" he said as he was standing next to her. She looked up at him, she looked sad, though not afraid, she knew what was going to happen to her, and she had prepared herself for it.

"Jethro…" she whispered. He took her hand, trying to give comfort to both her and himself.

"Jen, I love you. And I am so sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. I should have. What I don't understand is why you had to be dying in order for me to realize it. It shouldn't have to be this way; you shouldn't have to die, not now, not like this. It is too soon. I will always love you Jen, for the rest of my life I will always love you" when he finished talking she gave him a little smile.

"I know. Will you sit with me until…" the word were caught in her throat; she couldn't bring herself to say the last words in her sentence.

"You know I will Jen" he promised as he sat down in his chair, still holding her hand tightly.

This wasn't fair. Why did she have to die? How could this be happening to her? She had known for a while now, though nobody had actually told her, that she was gonna die. Gibbs had told her everyday she would be ok, she had believed him at first, but then when he'd say it, she could tell from the tone in his voice that he wasn't so sure any longer.

"We would have made a nice couple Jen, again" Gibbs said out of nowhere.

"Yeah" was all she said to that. He started to talk about Paris, telling her how much he had loved being there with her. He talk about the first time he had seen her, something he thought he had forgotten after the coma, but suddenly it was there, as clear as it had happened yesterday.

"My first thought when I saw you was 'Wow, she's beautiful'"he told her and she smiled. He continued to talk about memories and how much they meant to him for about an hour, until she interrupted him.

"Jethro, I love you so much" she whispered weakly, she looked sad and he knew what was happening, Jen was going to leave him.

"Jen…" he breathed, not wanting her to go, not yet.

"Kiss me"

Gibbs leaned in and kissed her, it wasn't a deep kiss, but a kiss full of love and emotions. He moved away, looking deeply into her eyes.

"I love you too Jen. More than you could possibly imagine"

"I love you" she said, her last words before she closed her eyes. Gibbs felt her hand go limp in his own, and at that moment, he felt his heart break into a thousand pieces.

"No…no" he whispered before he bent down and left a kiss on her forehead, he squeezed her hand one last time before he walked to the door, there he stopped and looked back at her lying there, knowing she was dead, knowing he'd never hear her voice again, never kiss her again. He had lost her.

He walked out. A little further down in the hallway he saw the others; Ducky, Tony, Ziva, Abby and McGee. He had no choice but to walk past them on his way out, much as he wished to avoid them. But they had already seen him and started to walk towards him.

"Jethro, how's Jenny…" Ducky started saying, but he stopped himself at the look on his friends face. "Good Lord"

"She's gone" Gibbs said and pushed himself past them, walking towards the doors leading out from the hospital.

"My God, I can't believe it" Abby said sadly as she looked at Gibbs walking away. Tony looked like he was about to follow his boss, but Ducky put his hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay put.

"Let him go Tony. He has just lost the woman he loves, let him grieve for Jenny" he said and Tony looked at his elderly friend.

"You think he was in love with her?" McGee asked.

"Yes, he was. I could tell" Abby answered the question for Ducky "Poor Gibbs, he doesn't deserve to go through this again"

Gibbs stepped out through the doors of the hospital, out into the pouring rain. Why had she been taken from him? That was a question he could ask himself everyday, but never find the answer. He would never forgive himself for not seeing how much he really loved her, not until it had been too late he had discovered his true feelings for her, which were stronger than he possibly could have imagined. If he had realized it sooner they could have gotten more time together. But even if he had realized it sooner, he would still have felt the same crushing grief when she died of the cancer. And if he hadn't realized his feeling for her when she was still alive, he sure would have when she passed away. It was hopeless.

He felt the raindrops mix with his tears as he turned his head towards the sky. He could swear that every raindrop falling was one of his tears. He stood there in the rain, wet from his own tears, the tears that were falling from heaven. He would never stop loving her.

_**The End**_

_I know, it was really, really cruel of me to take Jen away from him, but that was kind of the point with my story, that she had to be dying in order for him to realize he was in love with her. I almost started crying myself when I wrote this. My other Jibbs stories will be a lot happier. Thanks for reading and please leave a review!!!!_


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